Exposing Hidden Agendas

When we think of the term “Hidden Agenda”, our minds tend to run to something nefarious or manipulative. A hidden agenda may be that, but it may not. A situation that I am asked about over and over again usually deals with one party having trouble with a counterpart over something that was never said. In other words, one party assumes that they understand something and move forward AS IF they are fully informed. Unfortunately, they may not be.

In many cases (most) this yields no trouble. In other cases it can be disastrous. We have all done this – been sure that we knew what the other person was saying and then suddenly find ourselves in a two person pileup!

We need to learn some prevention and some correction for these instances:

Recognize that it is difficult to know just what the other person is feels or means except in very simple circumstances. Usually it doesn’t matter, and so we may get complacent in our “seek first to understand” listening skills. If your counterpart is exhibiting signs of frustration or impatience, these are EARLY WARNINGS that you have already begun to demonstrate to them that you aren’t hearing them. If they are raising their voice or withdrawing from the conversation with clipped answers, you are likely headed for the RED zone. STOP AND CHECK to make sure you are on the same page. ASK QUESTIONS and be READY to “RE-UNDERSTAND” what may have been meant. CHECK YOUR EGO and make sure you are OPEN to hearing them as if for the first time.

Once you understand – REALLY understand – their perspective, you can ask them all about why they feel the way they do. Until you understand it, recognize that by incorrectly telling them what they REALLY mean, you are only demonstrating to them that you haven’t been listening. If you start off by stating that you need some help understanding their perspective, you will be better off UNLESS they are already frustrated. So catch them BEFORE they are “too far gone” by watching for warning signs.

These are great for “accidently hidden” agendas, but what about “deliberately hidden” agendas?

Recognize that the purpose of a deliberately hidden agenda is to manipulate you (or someone else, using you). If you suspect that this is the case, you can start using Inductive Inquiry techniques to work through these. I did a series on Inductive Inquiry last year (starting here). You can also learn them by attending the High Performance Communication class in January 2010. More information on THAT here and here.


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