When Your Collaborator Can't

The other day, I was having a critical discussion about something at work with an indirect superior (a big boss, but not MY big boss). We disagreed on some details regarding how to do something we were doing together. We had gone back and forth a few times and finally he conceded and said "Ok...whatever. We'll do it however you need".

And I knew that I had failed.

By his tone and body language, I knew that he was not committing to the SUCCESS of the project, but to its COMPLETION. I had not gained willing assent, but reluctant surrender. While this may be highly-prized by some, it is NOT what one wants in a collaborative environment.

The objective of critical discussion is to attain agreement, willing assent, and commitment FOR THE PURPOSE OF ACHEIVING A DESIRED RESULT. We don’t keep score by how many times someone agrees with us; we keep score by the results the team gets. I know that, if I accept his "surrender" now, that when it comes time to honor our commitment we will disagree about it and re-do it. That is rework, and rework is waste of resource.

His remark (“Ok… whatever”) was a withdrawal from the conversation, and I know it is a manifestation of unexpressed feelings. I believe he was distracted with work and non-work events of higher priority and would have said “We’ll have to come back to this – I can’t give it the attention it deserves right now” if he had felt ok to do so.

I asked (and received) his permission to work with one of his trusted people on it until we can create a recommendation that fulfills what we BOTH need. This trusted person thinks very much like him, and has the bandwidth to collaborate with me on the project. This will make sure his perspective (or one like it) is represented making it very likely to develop something he can support.

Instead of accepting surrender, I empathized with his frustration concerning the demands on him. I know he wants to do what's best, and I will support him in this by using a surrogate. The important thing is that what ever we commit to is worth it.





Insist on great business results! Go to Pathfinder Communication